Lauren loves other little Asian girls. She is drawn to them as if some imaginery cord ties the daughters of China. She immediately points them out in public and tries to find a way, clumsy at times, to connect with them.
I wish I knew how much of her first 2 years living in an orphange she remembers. She loves to read her books about adoption and drinks it in when I tell her how we flew on a big airplane to bring her home. Her books tell of little girls living together with their nannies waiting for their Mommies to come for them. She beams when we turn the page to Mommy holding her new little girl.
She is often upset to see a child on tv standing alone or crying for any reason. She asks, ‘where is their Mommy?’ and won’t let up until I explain exactly where Mommy is and that she will be there to take care of her baby.
I felt so bad recently when I walked out of the room while she was watching the movie “Homeward Bound.” I completely forgot about the part where the little girl is lost and alone in the woods. I came back into the room to check on her and she was about to burst. Her little face was beat red and she was crying so deeply that her body was quaking but the sound had not made it out of her mouth. I grabbed her in my arms and she started to wail, she was inconsolable. I felt awful and of course I burst into tears right along with her.
It’s times like that I wonder what fears still haunt that little mind. Did she know while she cried in her crib those 2 years, that the ache in her heart was for the comfort of a mother? Did she see others leave as their Mommies and Daddies came and wish she could leave also? I’ll never know.
However I do know that God intended for this little girl to be redeemed from the steps of a Buddhist Temple that she was abandoned on. He planned from the foundations of the earth that she would be brought into our family and loved as one of our own. She may have been abandoned, but she was never forgotten.
Neither are you.