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Marrige is a lot Like Childbirth, Quit yelling and PUSH!


Let’s talk childbirth today gals. I’ve never met a women who didn’t love sharing her birthing story. Isn’t it a rule for every baby shower that some insensitive woman must share her story of excruciating pain for 58 hours only to then need a c-section….all while this new mommy-to-be faints in the corner at the thought of her precious birth playing out more like a horror movie.

I have 4 children, I birthed three of them and adopted one from China. And just in case you think I skated childbirth on that one…you try a 14-hour flight with a two-year old that barely knows you and doesn’t really like you yet. You wonder why adoptions are so expensive, it’s because you get an epidural before you fly home!

I’ve also been a labor coach several times. It all started with volunteering at our local pregnancy center and then when friends would get pregnant, they figured I knew what I was doing so I would come along and help coach them too. It saved a lot of marriages as I calmed the mom during contractions and instructed the husband on the proper moments to step away from a birthing mom and just be quiet.

Pushing is a very important part of the birth. If a women will push effectively, it can really help things along. However, many times-due to the incredible pressure of a large head coming out of your body- women don’t push very effectively. A good push involves a deep breath, tucking the chin and pushing as hard as possible. The most important thing about that deep breath is that you need to hold it through the whole push. If you scream, holler, even whistle, it makes the push less effective.

My job at this point (as a coach) is to say, “no noise, use all your energy to push!”

And sure-shooting, if she will hold her breath and push, she’ll bring that baby forth much quicker. Oh I know -you all have stories and incidents where you did all the right things and it still took days…I know…but we’re talking “in a perfect world” scenarios today. Work with me girls I’m trying to make a point about marriage! You thought I forgot about Two shall become One~ Tuesday, but I’m getting to it.

I’ve said all that to tell you that sometimes, when we are “pushing” through hard and frustrating times in our marriages, we need to keep quiet…shut our mouths….no noise!

It always breaks my heart to talk to a woman who loudly complains and rehearses the wounds of her marriage. I’m not talking about in counseling, I’m referring to the constant belittling that flows from the mouth of someone that says they want God to do a work in their marriage. Sometimes even through a simple prayer request a woman can destroy her husband’s reputation.

What do you need “birthed” in your marriage? Criticizing our husband does not help bring forth any good in our marriage.

If you are trying to “push” past the hurts you’ve experienced in marriage, you might need to be quiet about how much pressure you’re feeling.

1 Peter 3:1 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives

Without words. Powerful. Instead of telling him all the ways he should change (like I used to do), maybe we should quiet our mouths and busy ourselves to DO what God has called us to do as wives.

Is this hard? YES! But go back to that birthing mom a minute…I can’t make her stop yelling when she needs to push, she has to choose to look at me and follow my instructions. I’ve had some moms close me out by shutting their eyes and carrying on hysterically, they tend to hyperventilate and end up in worse condition. But if she will look at her coach and do as I instruct, she’ll get through it much better.

God is our “coach” ladies! When we are getting to that point of incredible pressure, He is saying, “look at Me!” Listen to what I’m telling you and I’ll get you through this. No noise! Use all your energy to do what is right, not waste it on useless hollering (complaining and criticizing). Fix your eyes on your coach!

Hebrews 12:2-3 Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Push girls, push! You just might birth something beautiful!!

I’m praying for our marriages, Sue

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